ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
