it wasn't lemon gatorade
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
