I cannot find my penis.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
