I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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