Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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