return my video game
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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