what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
