I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
