I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
