I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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