Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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