she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize