I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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