I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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