We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
