I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
