So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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