PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
