he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
