:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
