I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
