I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
