are you still at the devil's house?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
