omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
