Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
