she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
