By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
