I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
