Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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