I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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