Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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