Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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