I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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