Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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