I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
