does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
