I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
FUCK WHALES
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
