Only a mothe r could love this liver
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
