I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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