New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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