You surviving the open bar?
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Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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