I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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