my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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