I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
