Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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