Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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