Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize