Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
