and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
