Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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